


matsuda you idiot.

by ourkyuu



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, matsuda is hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27243289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourkyuu/pseuds/ourkyuu
Summary: matsuda's take on the reveal, and ultimate end, of kira.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	matsuda you idiot.

**Author's Note:**

> pls i felt like crying while writing this.

Matsuda’s brain was running a mile a minute.

_ Light was Kira. Kira was Light. Kira is a murderer. Light was his friend. What was Matsuda supposed to make of this? What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?  _

Light, his friend, the son of his mentor, the guy who didn’t treat him like he was crazy for thinking Kira wasn’t totally wrong - was Kira. Matsuda felt used -  _ played. _ See, Matsuda always believed that even in the worst of days - happiness and positivity can shine through. But now, after being so positive throughout the whole investigation he can feel the reality of the situation. 

Light Yagami, the man who he considered a friend, is a murderer. He doesn’t care for Matusda. He used him, just like he used everyone on the Task Force. To Light, Matusda was a simple pawn to play with and then get rid of. That much was obvious judging by the fact he almost had Mikami murder everyone on the Task Force plus Near and his crew. 

“...If the Note was real…”

Matsuda looks up to see Light talking to Near. Was he talking about the Death Note? Hold it, what is Light doing with his watch?

“...or fake?!” 

Without even thinking, Matsuda shot at Light who seemed to be trying to write something on what probably was a piece of the Death Note. Even while backed into a corner, Light was still trying to get rid of them. It made Matsuda sick to his stomach. 

“Matsuda, you idiot!” Yelled Light, outraged. 

Yeah. He was an idiot wasn’t he? Everyone kept telling him so. Aizawa, Ide, Mogi, L, Misa, and even Mr. Yagami would tell him so. He always laughed it off, played it as a joke. But this showed him the harsh reality. He was a stupid idiot who couldn’t even see what was right in front of him. To think he put his trust into someone like Light.  _ Oh god _ , he even told Light he didn’t think what Kira was doing was wrong. Did him saying that spur Light on? That since someone as stupid as Matsuda could understand Kira - maybe the whole world could? Matsuda could feel himself start to shake. But he couldn’t break yet - no, he  _ wouldn't _ break yet. 

He had to know. 

“... you think you’re shooting at?!” Continued Light, in his fit of rage. 

Matsuda pulled himself together, but yet he could feel tears falling and his hands shaking while he aimed his gun at Light. 

“Your father… what did he die for?” He yelled at Light. He needed to know, did Light willingly give up his father's life just so Light could stay as Kira? Was Light truly that far gone?

“My father? You mean Soichiro Yagami? That’s right Matsuda, serious people like that crowned with justice always lose in the end…”

So that’s it, huh? His dad was just another person to get rid of. A pawn _. _ Matsuda was expecting the sickening feeling to worsen but instead - he was met with  _ anger _ . How could a son do this to his own father? No, how could someone do this in general? Where are Light’s morals? What did the Death Note do to him? Who does he think he is? 

“Are you okay with living in such a society? I know, you understand Matsuda! Kill them! Shoot them!” 

At this point Matsuda could feel the tears streaming harder. How dare Light say he understood? How dare he act like he knew Matsuda's thoughts and feelings. Matsuda will never,  _ ever _ understand how someone could be so cruel to the people who care for them. This entire time nobody wanted to believe Light was Kira.  _ Nobody _ . And yet, here Light is telling Matsuda to shoot his friends. The same man who... who..

"You drove your own father to his death... you... And now you're saying they're the fools?" Matsuda yelled. 

For once, Light was quiet. And for a moment, a brief moment, Matsuda thought he got to him. Maybe Light knew what he did wrong maybe he.. he...

"His blood!"

Without even bothering to think Matsuda started to shoot. Once he started he couldn't stop, he wouldn't stop. He's disgusted, terrified, and his mind is screaming at him to take mercy on Light - to spare him his life and to stop shooting. 

But he won't. Because Matsuda is angry, he is so very angry. He didn't want his life to go this way, he didn't want his mentor to die, he didn't want this guilt, and he didn't want any more people to get hurt. And if that meant taking is anger on Light? Then so be it. Light deserved it. 

Matsuda wasn't done though. He's going to do what Light wanted all along - to pass righteous judgment. Not on the others though, but on Light himself. 

"Kill..." Said Matsuda through his teeth. 

"I have to kill him!"

Just as aimed for Light, no,  _ Kira's _ head. His hand was moved. The bullet hit the ground inches from Kira's head. 

He was being held back. Kira wasn't dead.

Suddenly it all hit Matsuda at once. He just tried to... he almost... 

Matsuda let himself be held back. He stopped struggling for a moment. He’d almost done it - he’d almost murdered Kira. But, he wasn’t happy. He didn’t celebrate that he’d almost ended the cause of all his suffering these past few years. 

Why? Because he’d thought like him for a moment. Like Kira. He decided he should be the one to pass judgment. It could’ve been any of them - but, no Matsuda decided it should be him. He was an idiot after all.

But, he was so tired.  _ So, so tired.  _

Everything after that passed by before his eyes. He didn’t even process leaving the warehouse. Didn’t remember saying bye to Near, or even getting back to his apartment. 

He sat down at his table and took in the silence. What else was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to think because he’d probably break - and he didn’t want to sleep because he would have nightmares. He wanted to talk. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to smile. But how was he supposed to do that?  _ How? _

Yeah, they got Kira. Yeah, they got rid of a threat.

...But at what cost? 

  
  
  



End file.
